And we give our Selves away when we aim to gain validation from others through:

·       Trusting people whose behaviour towards us shows they can’t be trusted.

·       Competing for attention, even when the quality of that attention is poor.

·       ‘Being there’ for family and friends, when we don’t have the capacity to.

·       Perfect parenting, even though no one knows what that actually is.

·       Being the perfect partner, even though no one knows what that actually is.

·       Working harder, even when it’s wearing and burning us out.

·       Conforming to societies expectations, even though we disagree with them.

·       And staying in environments or situations that aren’t good for our wellbeing.

All in the hope that others will recognise, acknowledge and see Us.

These aren’t necessarily unhealthy behaviours. It’s just what we do to survive.

Until they deplete us.

And when we don’t get the validation we want, we feel defeated, unseen, unworthy, unvalued and incomplete.

We become heavily dependent on others to complete us.

So, it’s no surprise we can get to a point where we think,

“I feel like I’ve lost my Self”.

With all the external validation seeking, of course we’d feel lost!

It’s inevitable.

“Where did we go?”

It’s seriously worth wondering about.

Because you learned these behaviours from somewhere.

So, if you’re feeling like you’ve lost your Self, it’s worth tracing your steps back to your early childhood.

And in our Balance coaching programme, this is what we get into, to help you find and be your Self again.

Or for the first time.

Because the good news is, you’re still in there.

And can be found.

We promise.

We just need to get to the root of the old programming we have, to transform and install the new programming we want instead.

So, let’s take a brief look at the old programming.

Specifically, from birth to 7 years old, in our stages of psychological and social development. Because this is when our brains usually experience the fastest development and foundations for life.  

These stages were explored and shared by a psychologist called Erik Erikson in the 1950’s.

During these years, we learn from our care givers and environments about:

·       Trust vs Distrust, questioning “Can I trust the people around me?"

·       Autonomy vs Shame and Doubt, questioning “Can I do things myself or am I reliant on the help of others?"

·       Understanding initiative v’s Guilt, questioning “Am I good or bad?”

·       Industry vs Inferiority?”, questioning “How can I be good?"

But relying only on this old programming is way out of balance.

And how can you get into balance with your Self?

Because this chapter wasn’t in our version of the Book of Life, we created our own to follow.

I’ve got to points of feeling like I’ve lost my Self, several times. And each time all that remained from over investing time, energy and money externally, was a depleted Me.

My old programming was heavily based on serving and pleasing others.

One of the final straws was realising how many places I’d been investing my energy.

It was a whole bunch of energy leaks that not even the world’s best plumber could fix!

I had to dig deep. Really deep!

Back into my own Self work.

That meant pulling back from pretty much everyone and everything. Creating space, so I could really tune into ALL of Me.

My Trinity.

My Temple.

My Source Energy.

Because what we deserved was love.

Unconditional, unshakeable love.

That holds you, accepts you, sees you and appreciates you, no matter what.

It’s your birthright.

Not the toxic, twisted, unhealthy conditional love we’ve been taught.

We already know where that leads.

Conditions for love are exactly what made you feel like you lost your Self.

So, recognize that external validation is a take it or leave it top up.

Other people don’t have the capacity to validate you the way you truly need.

Because only YOU, really know where all parts of you are buried to be found.

So become self-centred, and selfish. Put your Self, first. Others next.

Because your Self doesn’t need OTHER’s validation.

Your Self needs YOUR validation.