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Your Self Needs YOUR Validation
Listen or read.
Illustrations included below.
You arrive on your life’s journey, at a relationship milestone that you might not have reached yet. Because the ‘Book of Life’ doesn’t tell us when it should be.
Sadly, this chapter isn’t in even the book. At least not in our version. And there’s a strong chance it isn’t in your version either.
Because it’s the most important relationship of all.
Your relationship with your Self.
And as we’ve wondered so far, in family, friendship and intimate relationship milestones, there’s no emphasis to focus on your Self.
So much so, that if you do focus on your Self, it’s seen as being Self-centred. Or selfish.
A negative thing.
Instead, we’re guided to be Self less.
Did you hear that?
Self. Less. Less of your Self.
Instead, we’re encouraged to slowly but surely give our Selves away.
And we give our Selves away when we:
· Try to be good so we don’t get punished or rejected
· Try to be the best student for grades and ranking
· Try to ‘be there’ for family and friends, any time they need us
· Compete with others to be the best person for a job
· Compete with others to be chosen as ‘the one’ partner
· Try to keep partners by doing things we don’t necessarily like
· Conform to what’s expected of us, based on societal positions and roles
· Do things for money that don’t align with our values
· Stay in environments or situations that aren’t good for our wellbeing
All in the hope that others will recognise, acknowledge and see Us.
These aren’t necessarily unhealthy behaviours. It’s what we do to survive.
Until they deplete us.
And when we don’t get the validation we want, we feel defeated, unseen, unworthy, unvalued and incomplete.
We become heavily dependent on others to complete us.
So, it’s no surprise we can get to a point where we feel and think,
“I feel like I’ve lost my Self”.
With all the external validation seeking, of course we’d feel lost!
It’s inevitable.
“Where did we go?”
It’s seriously worth wondering about.
If you’re feeling at this point like you’ve lost your Self, it’s worth tracing your steps back to your early childhood.
And in our Balance coaching programme, this is what we get into to help you find and be your Self again.
Or for the first time.
Because the good news is, you’re still in there.
And can be found.
We promise.
We just need to get to the root of the old programming we have, to transform and install the new programming we want instead.
So, let’s take a brief look at the old programming.
Because this is when our brains usually experience the fastest development and foundations for life.
Specifically, from birth to 7 years old, in our stages of psychosocial development.
Meaning psychological and social.
These stages were explored and shared by a psychologist called Erik Erikson in the 1950’s.
It’s not the only way to study our Self. But it’s one way that helped in my recovery journey a lot.
During these years, we learn from our care givers and environments about:
· Trust and distrust
· Dependence and Independence
· Good and bad
· Success and failure
But relying on all these external factors is way out of balance.
So, for your relationship with your Self, getting into balance is likely the hardest thing you’ll have to do.
And how can you even get started?
Because this chapter wasn’t in our version of the Book of Life, we created our own to follow.
I got to points where I left like I’d lost my Self in life, several times. And each time all that remained from investing time, energy and money in others, was Me.
My old programming was heavily based on serving and pleasing others.
One of the final straws was realising how many places I’d been investing my energy.
It was like a whole bunch of energy leaks that not even the world’s best plumber could fix!
I had to dig deep. Really deep!
Back into my own Self work.
That meant pulling back from pretty much everyone and everything, so I could really tune into ALL of Me.
My Trinity.
My Temple.
My Source Energy.
The same as you can do, which I explain and share in more detail in our FREE Wellbeing Guide.
I feel like the relationship I have with my Self now, is the best it’s ever been. And I’m finally home.
So are you ready to stop giving yourself away?
If you had the misfortune of growing around people and environments that
made you feel you couldn’t trust them, you had to be independent before you could be truly dependent, you felt like you were bad and a failure when you got things wrong, we’re sorry.
Deeply sorry. That any of us had to experience this.
Not because we feel personally responsible, but because none of us deserved it.
And by none of us, I mean none of our; parents, grandparents, great grandparents, ancestors and generations of whoever carried on the programming that guided you to give your Self away.
Right now, you have a choice.
Continue the programming for another generation?
Or transform the programming for another generation?
Because what we deserved was love.
Unconditional, unshakeable love that holds you, accepts you, sees you and appreciates you, no matter what.
It’s your birthright.
Not toxic, twisted or rejecting kind of unhealthy conditional love we’ve been taught.
We already know where that leads.
Their conditions are exactly what made you feel like you lost your Self in the first place.
So, recognize that other people don’t have the capacity to validate you the way you truly need.
You do it first.
Because only YOU, really know where all parts of you are buried to be found.
So become self-centred, selfish and full of your Self in a healthy way.
Because your Self doesn’t need THEIR validation.
Your Self needs YOUR validation.
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